Before
by MuteSpectre
Summary: A start to Harley's story before Joker.


xxx

Late in the evening on a bus a woman stood shakily to her feet as a drunken passenger mumbled out to her"Take it eassyy tootss.." She scoffed at the drunken man's remarks as the bus came to a stop and she descended onto the dampened pavement. She had always loved the smell of the city after the rain. Memories surfaced of stormy nights- of sneaking out through the fire escape to the rooftop of her mother's apartment complex. Hidden by the cover of dark she reveled in her voyeuristic hobbies of watching life from high atop her perch. Starring into tiny windows watching the glimpses of life, or watching those on the streets below, no one the wiser of her studying gaze. Now, looking up she thought the windows lit here and there in buildings around were like stars in the sky.

As she made her way home the street lamps' warm hues illuminated her path and the light mist which hung in the air. There was no rush to her steps as her heels clicked clumsily on- as she breathed in the fresh night's air. Until, a gust of wind picked up sending a chill through her damp clothes to her rattling bones. Her teeth clattered as she brushed back her wet blonde hair which clung to her face. A sigh slipped past her ruby lips as warmth spread from her fingers across her cheek- as her fingers ghosted over a swelling bruise. The few passerbys who littered the quiet streets threw weary, perhaps concerned, glances towards the disheveled woman's way. But as her pace quickened up the steep streets Harleen was not as shaken as her appearance and recent events had warranted. Although she ached, she was in fact calm, awash with a feeling of eerie peace. She was deeply reminiscing of the man whose company she'd shared just hours earlier.

"_Five years... I loved him for five years.."_ Images flashed in her mind, her first day in his class and the wink he gave her. The first time he'd had her stay behind, and then later in his office. The first time she caught him with another student._"I must have been such a joke to him.."_ Her lips trembled in a small smile at the thought. Even then she'd still believed everything he'd told her- that she was the brightest pupil he'd ever had- the prettiest. That she would become a brilliant doctor one day- maybe even as good as him. She remembered her graduation when everyone else was waving down to their friends and families in the crowd- her eyes were only for him sitting in the teacher's row. She remembered how he hadn't even been looking her way.

The night when she'd surprised him with her internship acceptance letter, and he'd laughed, _actually laughed_, at her choice of work, and the cruel words he'd said. "I thought you'd be more sensible than this, Harleen. Go into research, or private practice- but Arkham? Even if you could handle that pressure you'd never make anything of yourself working with the scum locked up in there." So for two years she'd broken herself taking ever patient that would be offered to her- working ever hour of the night, hoping he would see that her work was important, that she mattered. Or maybe just trying to convince herself of that. Now he would never see her, or anything at all. _"After five years... this is how five years of work- of loving him ends up?" _

Her slow pace comes to a halt as she chokes back a sob. Looking up she is mildly surprised to find she's made it home and digs through her pocket to unlock the door. Once inside she makes her way to the elevator then through the dimly lit hall, before finally stumbling through her door. The sobs she had been holding back are now an overflowing mix of tears and gasps for air. Her final memory of him plays over and over in her mind.

His apartment was the real classy kind, the kind with floor to ceiling windows and an open floor plan. She always felt too exposed there, like there was nowhere to hide. He had been drunk when she showed up and in a foul mood. She almost second guessed telling him the news she had been bursting to share. She should have second guessed it.

The second the words left her mouth he began shouting degrading insults at her. "They chosse.. you? A fucking resident? To be assigned the mos-st infamous case in the country.. Don't they know you're just a _sslut_ with a degree- oh is that how you got the job then? Oh it all makes sense now, why they would choose you when at your age I was neve-er given the opportunity to-" He'd frozen then chest heaving, she'd missed the tenseness of his shoulders, the murderous gaze in his eyes when she said her next words. "What? You mean.. you didn't get hired by.. and that I did and?" Tears fell from her eyes as she said in desperation, "is that why you hate me?"

Their argument went on until she couldn't take his poisonous words anymore and she slapped him hard across the face. After that he came at her with pure rage. The last five years of her life flashing before her eyes. He had hit her before, but it'd been a long time since she'd been beaten by anyone like what he'd done to her. Or rather what he had tried to do. There were a lot of things her old professor didn't know about her, she guessed that it was easy to be surprised by someone you'd spent five years ignoring. He didn't know about her traumatic past, her gifted athletic abilities, or that she'd been kick boxing for the better part of her life. So when he hit her so hard she began seeing spots in her vision her instincts kicked in. She had never intended to kick him so hard he'd fall threw the windows and seven stories to his death. There was a moment before she realized what had happened, a moment where she stood in shock as the rain fell through the opening where he had just been. After that moment passed it was all a blur- running down the back stairway- tripping and falling down a flight once or twice. Breaking out into the heavy rain in a dead sprint until she ended up on the bus sitting across from yet another completely drunken man. Albeit, a much more pleasant drunk than the one she'd just parted from.

That night her torment was inconsolable, not that she knew anyone she could turn to for comfort. She felt utterly alone and helpless to change anything that had happened. It was like she was a kid again wishing she'd never been born. Her pain, and her fear left her a sobbing mess throughout the rest of her horrid night.

The next morning Harleen woke up on her kitchen floor wrapped in a blanket laying next to a pile of her heavily soiled clothes and an empty bottle of whiskey besides an equally empty carton of ice cream. The memory of last night hit her like a brick and her head began pounding in pain. _"It' can't have been real, it wasn't real..." _She sat there on the floor for a long while running it over and over in her mind, slowly becoming more and more logical about the situation,_ "if it was real... no one will ever know it was me. I should be sad, but I'm not- I'm- scared." _She made her way to her bathroom mirror, studying herself as if she had the answers of what to do written somewhere on her face.

"There's nothing I can do now.. if he's dead- he's dead." She saw the fear in her wide pale blue eyes and tightly shut them to keep out the reality of what had happened. She was a psychologist, she knew how the mind could repress painful memories, and knew this was not something she could force herself to forget. She felt like crying but had nothing left in her. She opened her medicine cabinet grabbed the bottle and popped off the lid. She starred down into the pile of pills now in her shaking hand. Taking in a deep breath she closed her eyes. _"I don't want to die... d__o I even want to forget? He was awful, and know he's gone." _Slowly she opened her eyes again and met her reflection where instead of fear she saw determination. She was not going to let anyone control who she was, or who she would become anymore. She was Dr. Harlenn Quinzel for the criminally insane at Arkham Asylum who was just promoted to the top case to ever come through the facility's doors. The last man who tried to convince her she wasn't worth that wound up splat. For the first time in her whole life, she felt something akin to pride. She saw her eyes moisten and face brake into a smile. Turning from the mirror she went to the shower and as she sat under the warm stream she cried. In a few days she would begin a whole new chapter of her life, and she prayed it would be better than whole damn book so far.


End file.
